Just did week 3, day 2 of #c210K

(Tonight after Jazz class and running 3.4 miles with my 10K app... I am a hot mess!)

Tonight was a good night! This past week however was not. As I stated on my Facebook page, loosing weight is a humbling experience. There are days, weeks, even months I feel great and I know this journey is what I am meant to be on. And I am okay with that.

Then there are days, weeks, (hopefully not) months I feel like I am defeated, broken, and I am still that person who weighs 275. I will be honest-I hate pity parties, excuses, and negative attitudes, yet this past week I was the owner all three. I knew it and I just did not care. I told myself I was happier when I weighed more, Dustin loved me when I was 275- I can eat what I want, and I can just maintain at this weight and be happy.

Wrong! All I have to say is evil was taking over my body this past week! Negative self talk is a powerful thing. I took my calorie counting device off for 2 days and skipped journaling my food too- I told myself I was done. I had enough of the numbers controlling my life. I did not weigh in, ate what I wanted, did not work out and I felt like crap... big ol pile of dogie doo! My temper was short, I had no energy, and I even felt different in my clothing.

I felt like this past week I was at my lowest point ever- I felt pressure for the scale to have a big number, I felt pressure of the house projects (I hate that I can't help Dustin- I have no clue and we need one adult to take care of the babies), I felt pressure to have my entire summer for work and family planned out, and I felt pressure to make sure I am doing what's right for our kids. Again, pity party at it's best!

The power of prayer... I am a strong believer that God has placed this journey on my heart for a reason. I need to be healthy for my family and promote a healthy life style for my kids. I believe that being humbled this week and being torn down to my lowest point was all planned, God knew it was going to happen. I needed to meltdown to see things clearly again. I needed to forget about what everyone else is or isn't doing and make sure I am doing this for the right reasons. While running, I have so many things going on... I have the TV on (if at the gym), my music going, and I am self talking and praying like crazy! I pray that I can run to the next half way mark, then I pray I can make it to the next mile, and so on. The power of prayer and having a clear head is the best feeling ever! When I am done running and the feeling of puking is gone, I feel alive and like I can do anything!

(I would like to meet the person who made this machine- I have such a love hate relationship with this mental contraption! Yikes! I feel my abs after doing 25-30 of these things!)

I want to be a role model for others, I want everyday normal people to know they can loose weight too- that is why I am so open about my weight loss ups and downs. It is not easy- that is why it is called a journey-It doesn't happen overnight, some days are better then others, and even when you do have a bad day, week, or God forbid month, you can always get going again. I want people to know that if I can do this so can you- even from your home. You don't have to belong to a gym or Jazzercise, these are just things I enjoy to help me along the way. Get rid of the pity parties, excuses, and negative attitudes.

Even when you are down and out- just look up! Last week was a huge eye opener to me and I had no where to go but up. I cried, I ate, I avoided working out... it was the kick that I needed to press on and work on my next goal for 20lbs.

"God's divine power has given us everything we need to experience victory in our struggles."