I never thought that I would be in the position that I am in today. I have goals, I have motivation, I have time, and I love working out. So, if I have all of these things why has it been so hard to keep up with loosing weight.
I never thought I would hit so many milestones in one month to turn around and undo what I accomplished. To hit my goal of being under 200 lbs just to gain it back. I have always heard of people loosing a ton of weight just to gain it all back- I always thought- how does a person do that, work so hard and then let it all go to waste. I understand it now. I know how easy it is to make a few days of bad choices, not work out for a couple of days, and to say, "I'll start over tomorrow". I totally get it. I actually remember when I hit my highest moment- it was in May of this year when I did my first race, was 199lbs, and I was working out 6 days a week. It felt great, I looked great, and I didn't mind that it was just a way of life for me.
Then I let my guard down. We had a relaxing awesome summer and I just didn't want to work on losing weight- I wanted to be lazy and enjoy my family. That is what I did. I look back on my summer and I wouldn't change anything about it except for my eating habits. There was no reason to resort back to unhealthy eating just because I wanted to enjoy my evenings at the pool vs. at the gym.
Then this fall came around... I told myself, it is time to get back on track. Get the rest of this weight off so I can then maintain. I tried. I failed. At this point, I lost motivation, I didn't want to work out, and I filled my time with other things. So easy to do... and I did it. I did the one thing I promised myself I wouldn't ever do and that was to stop caring. The last two months I told myself it was okay to be a size 24 again, it was okay to eat whatever I wanted, and it was okay to be fat and fail. I just didn't care!
The week that Dustin and I went to our concert was a huge eye opener. While we were shopping, Dustin took the above picture of me. When I came home and saw this picture- I could see how much fuller my face looked, how untoned my stomach area is, and I remember how tight my new shirt felt. This was my "Ahhh crap" moment. This was one of my lowest moments ever.
Today is a new day, God's mercies are new each morning. While I know my weight will always be a trial for me, I need to keep going. I need to get back to where I feel good about myself again. Today I weighed in, I am at 212.4. That number is humbling. It's hard to type and hard to read. But I feel like if I am honest with my friends about my trials of weight loss that something will come from my adventure. It isn't about just the number on the scale- I know this. It is about feeling good and living healthier for my family. It is also about reaching out to others- being accountable, and knowing that loosing weight is do able. I will always have bad days, weeks, or months however I hope and pray I never stop caring like I did. I hope I will always want to be healthier for my husband, my children and myself. I do care. I do have goals, time, and motivation to make it happen.
Praying for a better weight-loss update next time around... seems like a lot of the same ol' words lately! I just never thought I would be here!