taking it one day at a time....

that is all I can seem to do at this moment! As we say good bye to a crazy yet manageable summer I am looking ahead to fall and not seeing a huge change in our family pace! Since finding out about our wee little one on the way, I feel like I am taking it day by day, hour by hour, and even minute by minute!

Planning is such a huge thing for me! And to have such a huge unplanned change of life happen, I still am taking it all in. There are times I feel as I am the strongest mom/wife God placed on this earth and I can do it! Then reality sets in and I start to worry about the things I have given to God many of times. Health insurance, room for baby, ect. And in the whole entire picture I know these are such silly things to worry about but in my world they seem huge. I know there are plenty of families that have 4 wonderful, and healthy babies and then I think I (we, meaning Dustin and I) can do it! Just if I slow down and take it one day at a time....

It is yet again an emotional time for me. Even if I was not sharing my hormones with our wee little peanut, I would still be emotional right now. Sending kids back to school is never easy on me. I am not only sending Gaby back as a 2nd grader, I am sending Kadyn half days as a preschooler. I see the joy and excitement in their eyes in going to school and I love it! I hope that eagerness for learning, friendship, and routine is never taken away from them. Even from me, the one that doesn't want them to leave! I think it stems from my mom getting sick in why it is so hard to leave my kids, even for much needed date nights with Dustin when I know they are in great hands. I have experienced first hand how in a moments notice life can change totally upside down. And somehow, if I don't let them go, I can protect them from that... when I really know I can not! Plus, I LOVE their company! There are very few times I am really ready for that "mom break". For the past 4 years I have spent my days at home as a daycare provider so I can be with them. The thought of sharing their day with teachers is hard for me. But again, I give myself a reality check, I could not do what they do, I could not teach them what they teach, and I could not give them the chances to make friendships as they attend school! So, I have just come to the cold hard truth that August will always be my emotional time. Check back in 4 more years when it is Mia's turn...agh! All I can do, it take it one day at a time!

And speaking of Mia... if sending my kids back to school wasn't enough to send me over the edge emotionally, we are celebrating one year of life that same week! Yep! Mia will be one year old! How does that happen, how can I still remember the day of her birth like it was yesterday and then be planning a party for this bright eye, huge smile, momma's girl??? If I stop to think about too long, I cry! So... going with my theme... I am taking it one day at a time!

I never blog much about my relationship with my mom, mostly because I know my family checks in and reads this too! It continues to be hard for me to have my mom live with us, not because I don't love her, but it is just hard being 30 years old and living with your mom. I feel as if I still have to "check in" and if my personal friendships take up to much time, she gets hurt and jealous of that. It is a hard balance. After her stroke, our relationship changed. I didn't want it to but it has. I long for the times where she would just come over and take the kids just for fun, or run errands with me, or when I called her every night before she went to bed to say, "good night". I hate that it has changed! I still find myself learning how to live in her world where I can take her out, run her errands, and be her friend while meeting the needs of my husband, children, and mine. It is very hard to do and yet I still fail, and it leads to weekends like this where I find myself fighting with her because of a trip to Target. I know it is hard on her to had this independence and freedom again, in one day have it taken away from you. It is in times like this, she has found out who her true friends are. It is times like this I need a step by step book on how to care for my mom and be a good wife and mom... anyone has any references, let me know! So, until that day... I take it one day at a time!

This fall big changes are happening with my daycare! I am saying good bye to three wonderful children to school. I know families will come and go, and children will grow up. Just as with my own, it is hard to see children leave that you have spent everyday with for over a period of time. As we say good bye, we also say hello. I am so excited to be bringing on 3 more kids as well. I know the first few weeks will be a challengebut we will certainly get into our daycare grove!We have a lot of new lessons, crafts, play time a head! This fall, I pondered thoughts of down sizing, or not replacing the spots that have left! But just when I think I might reduce my daycare size, I notice their are families in need of childcare, and by the Grace of God, I am able to meet their needs by providing care for them.Fall is a very busy season for filling spots and it is hard saying "no" to moms just like me that are praying that they have found a safe and healthy place for their child to thrive in. In case that wasn't enough of a change, I am adding more to the mix... I know, I know! While taking a 12 hour program through ERC, I was asked to participate in another program this fall. This one is a little more intense and the visits take place in my home, the first one being a 3 hour on site visit by a state rep. to pick a part my program. Okay, not to pick it a part, but to see what I can change and improve on. This will be the hardest 3 hours... to have someone watch what you do, rate what you do, then tell you what else you should do! I am sure it will be a lot more nicer then that but still... this is huge! And, I won't share now, but there is a reward for all the hard work and visits! I do know that this fall will be great for my daycare as long as I am taking it one day at a time!

Wow... I feel like this post should be titled, "Dear Diary". I am just kinda putting everything out there for you! But as I do, I am reminded of one of my grandma's favorite songs..."One day at a time". I love the chorus... but as I sign off for the night... take a moment and read the lyrics that I hold so dear and then you can see why I am taking it one day at a time!

I'm only human, I'm just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

Chorus:
One day at a time sweet Jesus
That's all I'm asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday's gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you're looking below
It's worse now, than then.
Cheating and stealing, violence and crime
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.