not enough words

to describe what the last two weeks has been for us. But I can try... here goes nothing. 

Crazy, nuts, meltdowns, crying, scary, lonely, emotional, laughing, hot, cold, healing, goosebumps, praying, surrendering, accepting, suggestions, choices, wrong, right, cleaning, hospital, yucky food, not comfortable, missing practice, balancing act, broke, humbled, smiling, loving, trusting, praises, busy, schedules, laundry, bills, enrollment, birthday planning, legos, movies, awesome pool, tears, kids hugs, husband support, more praying, more accepting, and more healing.

Yes, my mom is still in the hospital.

It was one week today that she was taken to the hospital after having a major seizure at home. The kids were downstairs getting ready for bed and watching a movie. My mom was walking and talking fine then she fell to the floor. My kids came and got me and I called 911. (Huge thank you for my neighbor for coming over as I ran back and fourth from my mom to the kids.)

We were in the ER and my mom was going to go to the observation floor for the night. As the doctor was speaking to her, she started to have her second seizure. How the body recovers from this is just mind blowing. To see what took place in my mom's body in one evening is just scary. After she was given medication, they sent her to ICU. She stayed in ICU for two days. While in the ICU we found out her medications are not in check. Her blood sugars were off and big changes needed to take place. 

While in ICU she didn't get out of bed. When she did, she became very shaky and needed two people to help. I suggested what I thought to be a couple days of rehab just to get her strength back. Two days turned into at least four.  Needless to say my mom is not happy! She blames me. It's okay though- secretly I  know this has to be the best thing for her... I pray! And hope she will forgive me when she returns home.

It has been a roller coaster this last week.  Many high's and many low's. It's about getting my mom better, all her new medications down, and making sure her diet is in check.  I want her to come home. I am scared for her to come home. Things will be changing and I am not sure she will welcome the changes. Tuesday night was a huge wake up call to me. If we wouldn't have been home Tuesday night, I hate to think of what could have happened.

Bringing back memories...

It was seven years this past June my mom had her stroke. She spent four months in ICU and then rehab. It was the worst time ever- but when you are living it you don't realize what a bad time it was. Back then Dustin and I juggled life with only two children. Gaby was 3 and Kadyn only 6 months. Having my mom back in the hospital just brought up so many "yucky" emotions, fears, and doubts. The trip to the ER last Tuesday was daunting. The smell alone about made me hurl upon arrival. It was like we were stepping back in time however my mom wasn't in a coma this time around. After the second seizure they knocked her put with medication. She wouldn't respond to me when I was speaking. That scared me. After her stroke, she was in a coma for a month as her brain healed. I was scared then too. Nightly visits to KC just to sit in silence and not know if she would heal, speak again, or be my mom again.

I have to remind myself it is isn't the same thing. She didn't have another stroke and she will be coming back soon. Balancing between our family and my mom is not something I am good at, never have been. I try to call her several times and visit everyday. It is getting harder as we are approaching the kids returning to school, Mia's birthday and new kids starting daycare this week. She is important to me and I feel guilty for her being so depressed about her rehab. It is hard to enjoy time with my family when she is upset and doesn't understand why she can't come home yet.

I guess that brings us up to date. I covet prayers for my mom as she continues to hate the hospital. I pray that she comes home soon, and that we can find help for her like a home nurse to help with medication, blood sugars, and blood pressures!